Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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