Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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