Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
