soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
