When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You can't just leave with hair like that
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
