i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
