Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
