i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize