so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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