dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
