Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize