You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
