Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
