p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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