Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
