im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
