420 ftw
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
