sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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