I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Someone came in the potted fern
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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