i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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