i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
