We need to rekindle our bromance
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
