my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
