i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
