i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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