Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
