Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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