Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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