I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
