i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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