Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize