I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
