His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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