And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
