So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize