Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
