I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
