I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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