Acid is not a monday night drug
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
