My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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