my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
