Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize