East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
