She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
