I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
