I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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