I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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