he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
tell me about the eggs
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
