32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
