i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
