i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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