dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
