Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
