Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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