somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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