Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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