I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
