In the future we'll all be gay
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
