Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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