Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
