"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i dont even know how to be here
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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