Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
