Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
