this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
