So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
