totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
