I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sorry about my life...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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