I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
