he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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