Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
