I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
