we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
