oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
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Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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