How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
