Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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