I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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