God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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