I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
