At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
