I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
