Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
