Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize