What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
