Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
