its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
