Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
