Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
