Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize