I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
