Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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