We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
