I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We had to coat check the pizza.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
