Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
