Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
