i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
