He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Of course I have a pirate flag
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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