I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
