I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
