I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
