You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
