Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
