That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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