My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just google imaged poop.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
