no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize