There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
