Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
